1
00:00:00,569 --> 00:00:02,410
Okay, okay, let me try it one more time
without the script.

2
00:00:04,670 --> 00:00:05,670
I've had it with you.

3
00:00:06,010 --> 00:00:07,010
You listen to me.

4
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:10,450
When you wake up from tonight's drunken
stupor, you're going to wake up alone

5
00:00:10,450 --> 00:00:14,150
and confused, having missed the part
where I told you to get the hell out of

6
00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:15,149
house. Bet.

7
00:00:15,150 --> 00:00:16,770
Hold on, Oscar. I've got to get through
this.

8
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:18,350
I should have done this years ago.

9
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:19,648
There's the door.

10
00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:20,369
Use it.

11
00:00:20,370 --> 00:00:22,630
Now, Bet, just wait a second. Wait a
second.

12
00:00:23,070 --> 00:00:24,070
Now, look.

13
00:00:24,110 --> 00:00:25,490
Connie is a lot of things.

14
00:00:25,930 --> 00:00:27,150
But, I mean, does she lie?

15
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:29,330
Why, yes, she does, yes.

16
00:00:30,690 --> 00:00:32,890
But does she drink? Well, yes, a tad
more.

17
00:00:34,210 --> 00:00:37,530
But, I mean, that's... You can't just
throw the woman out on the street. This

18
00:00:37,530 --> 00:00:39,290
woman has no marketable skills.

19
00:00:40,830 --> 00:00:42,310
We were reading from a script.

20
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:43,990
Yes, can I finish?

21
00:00:45,790 --> 00:00:49,570
But she has the warmest, kindest, most
forgiving heart. No, I'm wrong.

22
00:00:50,610 --> 00:00:51,790
That's not going to work.

23
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:53,400
And she could pass for 30.

24
00:00:54,340 --> 00:00:55,340
That works.

25
00:00:56,860 --> 00:00:58,600
Five. Still works.

26
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:04,560
Oh, man, I have to get this part. I love
this character. She's caring, kind, and

27
00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:06,060
compassionate, just like me.

28
00:01:07,900 --> 00:01:09,540
Don't you think? Yes, yes, yes.

29
00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:15,000
So, um, who else is going up for this
role? Glenn Close, Angelica Houston, and

30
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,680
Jessica Lange. Oh, for heaven's sake.

31
00:01:17,020 --> 00:01:19,840
What do old girls know about being a
tough -talking waitress with a troubled

32
00:01:19,840 --> 00:01:22,500
past? What do you know about being a
tough -talking waitress with a troubled

33
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:26,600
past? Absolutely nothing. But I'm going
to get inside this character's head. I'm

34
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:30,200
going to find out what makes Helen
Callaghan tick. And how do you propose

35
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:31,200
that?

36
00:01:31,820 --> 00:01:33,380
I'm going to get a job as a waitress.

37
00:01:38,100 --> 00:01:39,380
It's called method acting.

38
00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:41,820
You live the role, you become the role.

39
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:44,340
Like in that film, Hocus Pocus, where
you played that witch.

40
00:01:49,230 --> 00:01:50,990
No, of course you didn't. I'm going to
shut up now.

41
00:01:51,210 --> 00:01:52,950
A waitress?

42
00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,389
That's rich.

43
00:01:54,390 --> 00:01:55,810
You don't even serve at tennis.

44
00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:02,790
Laugh all you like. From now on, I am
Helen Callahan, waitress.

45
00:02:03,270 --> 00:02:06,430
Okay, well then, Helen, as long as
you're in there, can you get me a soda?

46
00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:08,590
Sorry, Stretch, not my station.

47
00:02:11,610 --> 00:02:13,170
Ooh, Helen's sassy.

48
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:24,920
crazy and nothing that i say is true who
won my heart and soul

49
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:31,800
forever it's nobody else but nobody else
but each time i

50
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,840
feel i'm out to pass girl

51
00:02:48,650 --> 00:02:50,450
So you're going to get a job as a
waitress, huh?

52
00:02:50,950 --> 00:02:51,950
That's right.

53
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:55,230
Well, if it helps you get a handle on
the character, I'm all for it, Bette.

54
00:02:55,510 --> 00:02:56,870
Bette doesn't live here anymore.

55
00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:02,070
But Helen Callahan does.

56
00:03:03,690 --> 00:03:05,770
I like this Helen. Me too.

57
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:09,010
I'd like her a lot better if she ran
downstairs and gave me a bag of chips.

58
00:03:10,450 --> 00:03:13,130
First of all, Helen bows to no man.

59
00:03:13,790 --> 00:03:15,870
And second, Bette already ate the chips.

60
00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:20,020
I have to create Helen's backstory.

61
00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:24,620
The script says she's a woman rebuilding
her life and self -esteem after

62
00:03:24,620 --> 00:03:26,920
escaping the dirtbag husband who
mistreated her.

63
00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,160
So you're going to sing in this?

64
00:03:29,220 --> 00:03:32,280
No, I'm not going to sing in this. It's
a serious role.

65
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,340
I'm a single mother clawing my way up
from welfare.

66
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,200
Although I suppose I could sing over the
end credits.

67
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,400
What else do you know about the
character?

68
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:45,400
Well, she's got two kids. One of them
has a big head like the kid in Mask.

69
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,340
The other one's just shy.

70
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,060
You'd think it'd be the other way
around.

71
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:52,280
Well, big day tomorrow.

72
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:57,100
I think I'll take this thing off. Oh, if
it's okay with Bette, I wouldn't mind

73
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:58,140
Helen sleeping over.

74
00:03:58,380 --> 00:04:01,200
Oh, I think that would be in Helen's
character.

75
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:09,160
Oh, Helen, can you teach Bette to do
that?

76
00:04:18,860 --> 00:04:21,839
You could put on a mermaid suit and sing
Wind Beneath My Wings. Nobody's going

77
00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:24,720
to believe a movie star's waiting on
them at a truck stop. Yes, you're right.

78
00:04:25,620 --> 00:04:30,120
Would you look at this? They have two
Melissa Manchesters, Hey Mickey in

79
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:34,420
and Spanish, and no me. All right, well,
this isn't exactly your crowd. What are

80
00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:37,760
you talking about? When I first started
out, I was huge with blue collars.

81
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,820
Construction workers, bikers, cops, they
all loved me. Yeah, that was the

82
00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:41,820
village people.

83
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,300
You're right.

84
00:04:43,420 --> 00:04:46,260
Hey, didn't the Indian try to choke me
one time?

85
00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:49,100
Oh. Those were the day.

86
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:52,680
Yeah. All right, listen, listen. We've
got to finish Helen's application here.

87
00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:55,980
Have you ever been convicted of a
felony? Yes, but Roy and I decided she

88
00:04:55,980 --> 00:04:56,980
been wrongly accused.

89
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,860
Okay, how about references? Put down
Danny DeVito. Helen doesn't know Danny

90
00:05:00,860 --> 00:05:02,120
DeVito. Oh, right, right, right.

91
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:03,380
Helen, Helen, Helen.

92
00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:07,460
Morning, uh, Helen. That's right, Helen.
Helen T. Callahan.

93
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:09,700
Hi. I'm Carl, the manager.

94
00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:11,120
And you are?

95
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:11,839
I'm Connie.

96
00:05:11,840 --> 00:05:12,840
Connie Piedabowski.

97
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,660
Yes, I'm her parole officer.

98
00:05:15,180 --> 00:05:16,360
I was a prison brat.

99
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,360
Daddy was a warden. My only friends, the
pigeons in the yard and the snipers in

100
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,360
the tower.

101
00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:24,340
Uh -huh. So you're on parole?

102
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,700
You mustn't worry. I was wrongly
accused.

103
00:05:26,940 --> 00:05:27,459
Of what?

104
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:28,780
What does it matter? I was wrongly
accused.

105
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,160
You ever been a waitress before?

106
00:05:31,420 --> 00:05:36,520
Well, I waited on my deadbeat husband
for years until he ran off, leaving me

107
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:40,460
spend my life in the kitchen, frying up
a mess of gizzards and chickens and...

108
00:05:40,460 --> 00:05:41,460
Ham.

109
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,520
Anyway, I just tried to piece my life
together after a run -in with the law.

110
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:46,800
Uh -huh.

111
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,470
Do we have any other applicants?

112
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:51,470
No. You want to work overtime?

113
00:05:52,110 --> 00:05:53,110
No.

114
00:05:53,630 --> 00:05:56,670
How about your mother? She got feeling
in her left side yet? No.

115
00:05:59,670 --> 00:06:00,670
You want a job?

116
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:03,570
I have a job, sir, and its name is
Justice.

117
00:06:06,050 --> 00:06:07,550
Now who's glazing the hand?

118
00:06:08,730 --> 00:06:10,250
All right, well, I guess you're hired.

119
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:12,910
Let's get your uniform, get you out
there. Oh, that's fantastic.

120
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,510
Just send the contracts to Connie.

121
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:23,280
outfit. I haven't had this much
polyester on me since I made out with

122
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,280
Gees.

123
00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:25,780
But you look cute.

124
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,580
This material doesn't breathe.

125
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,100
I smell like a foot.

126
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,980
Helen smells like a foot. Remember,
you're Helen. Oh, right, right. Helen

127
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:35,100
stinks, not me.

128
00:06:35,740 --> 00:06:38,020
By the way, do you think that Helen
likes bed?

129
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:39,360
Oh, no, you tell me.

130
00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:41,480
I think she does.

131
00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,340
Note, Helen likes bed.

132
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:49,720
Okay, I gotta go. What time do you want
me to pick you up?

133
00:06:50,030 --> 00:06:53,730
Helen doesn't get picked up. Helen takes
the bus. Oh, yes, of course she does.

134
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:56,870
All right, I'll have the car pick you up
by the bus stop down the street. Okay.

135
00:06:57,870 --> 00:07:00,630
But don't be late, because I don't want
to look like I'm waiting for a bus.

136
00:07:01,550 --> 00:07:04,590
Hi, Helen. I'm Penny. I'll be showing
you the road. Oh, great.

137
00:07:04,790 --> 00:07:06,950
I have a little tape recorder here to
help me take notes.

138
00:07:08,050 --> 00:07:09,050
Notes? Yeah.

139
00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:13,530
Yeah, you know, little tips behind the
scenes, stuff like waitress lingo. I

140
00:07:13,530 --> 00:07:17,010
mean, don't you have a special talk all
your own, like Adam and Eve on a raft?

141
00:07:17,580 --> 00:07:18,580
What the hell is that?

142
00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:20,720
Two poached egg on toast.

143
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:22,960
I don't get it.

144
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,180
Why are you wearing spike heels?

145
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:28,780
Are you a prostitute?

146
00:07:30,500 --> 00:07:34,720
Well, I wasn't at first, but then my
dirtbag ex -husband thought it would be

147
00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:35,519
good idea.

148
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,160
Yeah, so what do you do to cool your
dogs all day after a hard day slinging

149
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:40,160
hash? Are you high?

150
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:41,960
Hey, Carl, the new girl's high!

151
00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:45,780
No, Penny, I'm clean, I'm clean. I have
to be for my kids.

152
00:07:46,170 --> 00:07:48,150
One of them has a big head like the kid
in Mask.

153
00:07:48,850 --> 00:07:52,630
Listen, Penny, just think of me as a
sponge. I'm just trying to learn from

154
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:53,790
Okay, well, look, here.

155
00:07:54,410 --> 00:07:57,970
Think of this as a sponge. Go wipe down
the table. Okay, okay, I'm going, I'm

156
00:07:57,970 --> 00:07:59,550
going. But first, tell me, tell me.

157
00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:04,370
When you're serving people all day, does
a small, rebellious voice inside you

158
00:08:04,370 --> 00:08:06,310
ask, when is it my turn?

159
00:08:07,150 --> 00:08:08,490
Gee, I never thought of that.

160
00:08:08,990 --> 00:08:12,810
But some waitresses, you know, think
like that, right? Well, most people I

161
00:08:12,810 --> 00:08:14,450
with really don't have time to think
like that.

162
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:17,850
Most people I pay to work actually work.

163
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:20,650
Get the lead out, ladies. Come on.

164
00:08:22,810 --> 00:08:23,810
Surly manager.

165
00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:25,490
Possible sexual tension.

166
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,550
Maybe Helen can turn it to her
advantage.

167
00:08:29,970 --> 00:08:30,990
Get to work.

168
00:08:31,930 --> 00:08:33,169
Definite sexual tension.

169
00:08:36,270 --> 00:08:40,030
Hi, I'm Penny. I'll be your waitress.
And I'm Helen.

170
00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:42,030
Helen Callahan, your waitress -in
-training.

171
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:45,550
I'm also newly divorced and putting the
pieces of my life back together.

172
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:48,590
And, uh, oh, yes, and I'm studying law
at night school.

173
00:08:49,190 --> 00:08:51,710
Really? I'm a lawyer. What kind of law
are you studying?

174
00:08:52,970 --> 00:08:53,970
Entertainment law.

175
00:08:54,010 --> 00:08:56,530
I'm in entertainment law. Where's your
office? Beverly Hills?

176
00:08:56,750 --> 00:08:59,890
Reseda. Reseda? Oh, honey, you're not in
entertainment law.

177
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:08,080
Why? Was I talking too much? I was just
trying to be personable. I mean, I think

178
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,080
that's part of my character.

179
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:10,840
You think that's part of your character?

180
00:09:11,980 --> 00:09:13,500
Yeah, yeah, that's part of my character.

181
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:15,459
Okay.

182
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:18,120
Well, you know, it's just that he's kind
of cute. He comes in here all the time.

183
00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:19,320
He doesn't have a ring on his finger.

184
00:09:19,620 --> 00:09:21,860
Oh, so that's your type, huh?

185
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,520
Yeah, he's my type. He doesn't wear an
ankle brace with a beep.

186
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:29,080
So I'd kind of like to talk to him,
unless you're interested. Oh, no, no,

187
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,180
You go ahead. I already have an
entertainment lawyer.

188
00:09:32,460 --> 00:09:33,460
Ellen?

189
00:09:33,580 --> 00:09:34,920
Milk spill on table four.

190
00:09:35,220 --> 00:09:36,740
You say that to me like I did it.

191
00:09:37,940 --> 00:09:42,380
Oh, right, that's my job. Well, look,
Carl, I cleaned up a spill earlier, so

192
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:43,400
I've already got that down.

193
00:09:43,620 --> 00:09:46,640
What else you got? A splitting headache
from listening to you.

194
00:09:49,460 --> 00:09:51,200
He wants me so bad.

195
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:57,660
Being a single mom is so hard.

196
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,280
I never have a moment to myself. The
kids are always trying to take

197
00:10:01,790 --> 00:10:03,050
And talk about a date repellent.

198
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:04,810
Tell me something.

199
00:10:04,930 --> 00:10:06,910
Are there any good men left in this
world?

200
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:10,350
Look, this is just an after -school job
so I can earn gas money.

201
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:13,470
I mean, I'll date you, but I can't
support you.

202
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:17,210
That's funny. I once said the same thing
to Tony Orlando.

203
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:21,150
You know, I'm a single mom, too. You
are?

204
00:10:21,390 --> 00:10:22,730
Really? What's it like?

205
00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:24,050
For you, I mean.

206
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:27,990
You're looking at it. I get the kids to
school, work a double shift, and get

207
00:10:27,990 --> 00:10:30,750
home in time to read them a story. And
you can forget about dating.

208
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:32,360
Don't you miss it?

209
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:35,360
The only thing I miss about dating is it
gets me off my feet.

210
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:36,880
If I'm lucky.

211
00:10:38,240 --> 00:10:42,560
So what's your story? Well, my ex was a
heavy drinker who, after two kids,

212
00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,740
decided it was time to trade up, and he
moved in with his favorite stripper.

213
00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:47,720
I've heard that story a hundred times.

214
00:10:48,180 --> 00:10:51,260
Oh, so it sounds a little too cliché?
Because that's what I was thinking.

215
00:10:52,540 --> 00:10:54,500
Helen, table five needs more coffee.

216
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,940
Well, you can tell them I'm still
waiting for a please.

217
00:10:58,880 --> 00:10:59,880
Salisbury steak?

218
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,320
Fried chicken.

219
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,080
Ham and eggs.

220
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:08,800
Mystery meat.

221
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:13,360
Lobster. Lobster, what the hell were you
thinking?

222
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:57,660
I'm telling you, Connie, it ain't easy
working for the man.

223
00:11:58,620 --> 00:11:59,620
Tell me about it.

224
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:08,080
So, um, so how did you get home? Did
you, um... actually take the bus?

225
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,180
Well, this place is bigger than my high
school.

226
00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,680
I can't believe you actually won it on
Wheel of Fortune.

227
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:19,620
Thanks for the ride, Jimmy. Your gas
money's right there on the table. Oh,

228
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,780
Call me sometime if you want to talk.

229
00:12:22,340 --> 00:12:24,360
But not after ten. My mom gets mad.
Okay.

230
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:28,900
How was your day? Piece of cake.

231
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,000
I stepped in, learned the lingo.

232
00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:32,860
I even got a standing ovation.

233
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,720
Really? What did you do?

234
00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:37,400
I got fired.

235
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:48,300
I failed. If I can't hold on to a
waitress job for one day, how can I

236
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,640
anyone I'm a waitress on screen?

237
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:53,840
I can't believe I didn't last one day.

238
00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:56,260
You can't just fire.

239
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:58,600
people anymore. You've got to have just
cause.

240
00:12:58,880 --> 00:12:59,880
Oh, really?

241
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:01,780
What are those?

242
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:05,820
Customer comment cards. Or, as Carl
refers to them, just cause.

243
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,380
You mean people really fill those things
out? They did today.

244
00:13:11,620 --> 00:13:14,240
Well, I'm sure you got some good
comments in there. Yes, you did.

245
00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:15,520
Thank you, Helen.

246
00:13:15,620 --> 00:13:18,760
See, there you go. I now understand the
reason for the three -day cooling off

247
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,220
period before you can buy a gun.

248
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:29,779
Here's a good one.

249
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:30,780
I gave you a ten.

250
00:13:31,420 --> 00:13:34,380
You added the zero to that just now. I
saw you.

251
00:13:35,020 --> 00:13:36,580
Actually, I added the one.

252
00:13:39,060 --> 00:13:40,060
Who am I kidding?

253
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:43,940
I can't play this part. Connie, call
them up and cancel the screen test.

254
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,020
I'm no waitress. Come on, babe.

255
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,500
Helen Callahan is not a quitter, and
neither are you.

256
00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,580
If Helen lost her job, then... Hey, hey,
hey. In the script, Helen did lose her

257
00:13:52,580 --> 00:13:54,300
job. Oh, my God. You're right.

258
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:55,760
Well, how did she handle it?

259
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,080
Connie, Connie, give me that script.

260
00:13:57,610 --> 00:14:00,170
If I can get this job back, I really
will be Helen Callahan.

261
00:14:00,690 --> 00:14:03,670
What is she doing? What happens now? Oh,
here it is. Here it is.

262
00:14:03,890 --> 00:14:04,970
Helen storms in.

263
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:07,650
You can't fire me, Mr. Kellard.

264
00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:10,930
I'm not asking for my job back. I'm
demanding my job back.

265
00:14:11,370 --> 00:14:15,570
Demanding? You heard me. I need this
job. And not you or anybody else is

266
00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:16,890
food out of the mouths of my kids.

267
00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:18,970
I know your kind, Kellard.

268
00:14:19,550 --> 00:14:21,930
Carl. I've come across guys like you my
whole life.

269
00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:23,270
My first husband was like you.

270
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:26,730
I used to work for a guy like you back
on a... on a...

271
00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:31,160
Line. Turkey Ranch in Petaluma.

272
00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:32,680
Turkey Ranch in Petaluma.

273
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:37,440
And I'll tell you exactly what I told
him. No man can keep Helen Callahan

274
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,080
What the hell are you talking about?

275
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:45,020
Helen Callahan is here to stay. So I
suggest you steer clear or get run over.

276
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,540
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a job
to do. No, no. No, you don't. I fired

277
00:14:48,540 --> 00:14:52,400
you yesterday. Now beat it. And take
your parole officer with you.

278
00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:58,620
Carl. Give me my job back or I'll tell
everybody that you re -serve food from

279
00:14:58,620 --> 00:14:59,620
other people's plates.

280
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,480
I'm a fair man. Welcome back.

281
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:08,160
But no more speeches and no more life
stories of the customers.

282
00:15:08,460 --> 00:15:10,440
Just take the orders and bring the food.

283
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:11,619
I can do that.

284
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,880
Yeah, so you keep saying.

285
00:15:15,020 --> 00:15:17,920
Brother. Well, that speech just laid
there.

286
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:19,880
Was it me or the dialogue?

287
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,200
Oh, the dialogue. You were great. Oh,
come on. Tell me the truth. Helen can

288
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,740
it. You know, honey, maybe that's the
problem. Don't look at Helen as some

289
00:15:26,740 --> 00:15:30,380
of radical departure from Bette. Think
of Helen as an extension of Bette. Oh,

290
00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:34,860
yeah, right, right, right. I should just
concentrate on being me, Bette, and see

291
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:38,060
what shades of me, Bette, I can bring to
Helen. There you go. But what if they

292
00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:39,060
don't like me, Bette?

293
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,560
What have you got to lose? We know they
don't like you, Helen.

294
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,540
Good point.

295
00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,940
Hey, hey, hey. More coffee here? More
coffee here?

296
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:52,030
That tone of voice tells me you've
already had enough coffee. You're

297
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,030
juiced.

298
00:15:53,850 --> 00:15:57,070
Okay, people, I got an omelet, two BLTs,
and a burger.

299
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:01,690
Come on, people. They're not going to
jump onto the table by themselves.

300
00:16:03,090 --> 00:16:04,650
Okay, there you go.

301
00:16:05,850 --> 00:16:07,630
All right, pal, what's it going to be?

302
00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:12,190
Chicken fries, steak, mashed potatoes,
biscuits, extra gravy, and... And a side

303
00:16:12,190 --> 00:16:13,970
of paramedics to revive you.

304
00:16:15,370 --> 00:16:17,890
You're getting a grilled chicken breast
and a fruit cup.

305
00:16:21,740 --> 00:16:23,340
Here's a tip. You're a tightwad.

306
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:26,280
Ooh, you've worked your way up to
skinflint.

307
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,760
Oh, great. Now three of my six kids can
eat.

308
00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:32,380
Thanks, handsome. Come again.

309
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:37,120
Oh, my God.

310
00:16:37,140 --> 00:16:39,640
The lawyer from receipt is here. That's
twice in one day.

311
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,000
Do you think he's here for me?

312
00:16:41,180 --> 00:16:43,360
Well, he's not here for the fine wine.

313
00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:45,620
Penny, Penny, a word of advice?

314
00:16:45,860 --> 00:16:47,920
Yeah. You know those great stories about
your children? Yeah.

315
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,340
Save them for the honeymoon.

316
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,400
Oh, my God.

317
00:16:55,540 --> 00:16:56,540
Who is that?

318
00:16:56,860 --> 00:16:57,719
My husband.

319
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,700
I mean, my ex -husband. You mean the one
who ran off with this stripper? I'll

320
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:04,099
take care of him. No, Penny, Penny,
wait. Hey, we reserve the right to

321
00:17:04,099 --> 00:17:07,460
service to anyone, and that includes
deadbeat husbands who run off with dirty

322
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,460
trims.

323
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,400
Penny, I'll take it from here. You go
talk to the lawyer.

324
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:14,720
Okay.

325
00:17:14,819 --> 00:17:16,400
But I'm watching you, mister.

326
00:17:18,060 --> 00:17:20,160
Oh, God, honey, let me get that for you.

327
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:25,760
Maybe some of the other customers are
going to want the same service.

328
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,280
What's with the get -up?

329
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:31,800
I'm just trying to fit in.

330
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,520
You look like the Grand Marshal at a gay
rodeo.

331
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:38,700
You mean it doesn't turn you on?

332
00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:42,120
Oddly enough, it does.

333
00:17:45,220 --> 00:17:45,939
How's it going?

334
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:46,940
I'm doing great.

335
00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:48,580
I'm actually starting to enjoy myself.

336
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,280
Are you going to do this again tomorrow?
Are you kidding?

337
00:17:50,730 --> 00:17:53,430
I've learned all I need to learn.
Tomorrow I'm taking an eight -hour

338
00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:54,690
I'm not even going to stop for lunch.

339
00:17:55,270 --> 00:17:56,810
Well, it'll be good to have you back
home again.

340
00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,250
You're going to keep the wig, right?

341
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:02,190
Let's wait and see how you tip, cowboy.

342
00:18:08,550 --> 00:18:09,550
Ellen.

343
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:14,070
You know, I didn't think you were going
to cut it, but I have to say you did a

344
00:18:14,070 --> 00:18:15,070
pretty good job today.

345
00:18:15,130 --> 00:18:16,130
Yeah, I did.

346
00:18:16,230 --> 00:18:19,190
You know what? I even got a marriage
proposal on a comment card today.

347
00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,900
Well, it was more like a honeymoon
proposal.

348
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:25,220
Actually, it was pretty vile.

349
00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:27,440
I'm sending it to the police.

350
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:32,320
Now, tomorrow I'm going to need you in
extra early.

351
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,240
Oh, Carl, about tomorrow.

352
00:18:34,540 --> 00:18:38,320
Well, I've decided to give my husband a
second chance, so I'm not going to be

353
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,320
needing this job anymore.

354
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:42,920
Oh, really? I'm sorry to hear that.

355
00:18:44,380 --> 00:18:46,500
That sounds crazy, but...

356
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,300
Just kind of hoping something might
happen between the two of us.

357
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,000
I knew it.

358
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:54,560
Carl, I had no idea.

359
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,340
Yeah, yeah, I was going to ask you up to
my trailer and everything.

360
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:58,960
You have a trailer?

361
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,480
I don't believe this. Connie didn't get
me a trailer.

362
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,400
Oh, Carl, that's so sweet.

363
00:19:05,740 --> 00:19:07,960
Well, I'm sorry, Carl. This is goodbye.

364
00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:12,580
Why don't you let me take the police for
you?

365
00:19:15,430 --> 00:19:16,490
Oh, hey, Helen.

366
00:19:16,750 --> 00:19:18,270
There's something I need to ask you.
Sure.

367
00:19:19,150 --> 00:19:22,010
Charlie, the lawyer, he asked me out
tomorrow night. No kidding.

368
00:19:22,230 --> 00:19:25,050
Oh, I'm so happy for you. I know this is
short notice, but do you think you

369
00:19:25,050 --> 00:19:26,050
could cover for me?

370
00:19:26,390 --> 00:19:27,389
Cover for you?

371
00:19:27,390 --> 00:19:28,390
Tomorrow night?

372
00:19:28,470 --> 00:19:29,470
Oh, gee.

373
00:19:29,530 --> 00:19:33,450
I, um... Oh, it's okay. Never mind. We
can go out another time. I shouldn't

374
00:19:33,450 --> 00:19:37,530
asked. Oh, oh, no, no, no. Of course
I'll cover for you. You go and have a

375
00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:40,010
time. I didn't have any plans tomorrow
night anyway.

376
00:19:40,310 --> 00:19:41,310
Oh, you're the best.

377
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:43,090
Thank you. Have fun. Have fun.

378
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:51,520
I'm going to need you to work late
tomorrow night.

379
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,080
And you might want to pick up a pair of
sensible shoes.

380
00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:01,260
Honey, I nailed it.

381
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:04,240
And the costume totally put it over the
top.

382
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,360
I told the director that the script had
to be much more authentic, and he was

383
00:20:07,360 --> 00:20:08,360
very receptive.

384
00:20:08,460 --> 00:20:11,420
That's great, darling. But I actually
just got a call. They gave it to Glenn

385
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:12,359
Close.

386
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:13,360
Glenn Close?

387
00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:16,540
What does she know about waitressing?
She'd never do what I did.

388
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,060
I got gravy burns.

389
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:21,850
Well, the director... The doctor said
she's working at an IHOP in Santa

390
00:20:23,190 --> 00:20:24,850
An IHOP in Santa Monica?

391
00:20:25,610 --> 00:20:28,270
They got customer comment cards there? I
believe they do.

392
00:20:29,130 --> 00:20:30,130
Let's roll.

393
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,130
about it but dude